Already? Already. Bear is officially a Montessori student.
The worst part was she wasn't even sad to see me go. We went into her room, she ran off and became engaged in her surroundings and when I left she didn't even tell me bye. Glad she jumped right in, but it hurts not to feel needed.
Seems lately she doesn't need help with anything anymore. She goes potty by herself -- including taking off her diaper, getting up on the potty, flushing and washing her hands -- she won't let me help her down the stairs, she always want to try putting on her shoes herself first and she even buckles herself into her car seat.
A lot of the decisions we've made, we did with the intent of raising an independent toddler. Does anyone ever regret not being needed?!? I'm only half kidding -- this is going too fast!
It was also Daddy's first day of school today -- well his first in many years. I took the day off for the occasion. After they were both done for the day we celebrated with lunch at Rudy's and a walk in the East Village. It was quite delightful. I took some photos, but I'm too tired to get up and get the camera right now so they'll have to wait.
After we got home, we all napped. Add popcorn and a movie for dinner at home = quite close to perfection.
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Showing posts with label attachment parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label attachment parenting. Show all posts
Monday, August 30
Friday, April 16
Spanking: The Argument Against Corporal Punishment
This is a repost of a column I wrote for examiner.com. Since I love including thoughts, logic and insight to our jouney through parenting for the Bear to have later on, I thought it appropriate to include this article here. You can see (and comment on!) the original article here.
I linked to an article on spanking and it's correlation with aggressive children in this week's Tuesday Tours. I don't believe spanking is an effective or humane way to raise a child. I know many disagree with me (as can be seen from the comments section of the article I posted), but here's why I don't -- and never will -- spank my child.
1. It is abused. No, I didn't say abuse, I said abused. The arguments for spanking usually ramble something about how when done correctly, it can be an effective tool for...blah, blah, blah. The truth is, rarely is spanking done in a calm, collected manner. Usually when parents spank their children they do it out of anger. When children stop or don't respond to the spank, parents spank harder to get their message across. It's a fine line and an easy one to step over when you don't have a clear boundary to begin with: How hard is too hard? How often is too much? How old is too old, and what age is too young? In fact, I don't think any form of discipline should be given in anger. Refraining from spanking is difficult, especially if the parent was spanked as a child, but doing so will give the parent a chance to gather thoughts and respond in a more effective manner.
2. It is illegal for adults, so why would we condone it for children? Even the death penalty in most states is performed in such a way that doesn't inflict pain on the convicted. How did we, as a society, ever decide we didn't want to harm death-row criminals, but that it should be legal for a parent to intentionally inflict pain on their children? It is a fact that judicial corporal punishment has been completely outlawed in most of the Western world, and yet corporal punishment of children by parents is still legal in all 50 U.S. states, and legal by teachers in 20 U.S. states.
3. It's contradictory. You are an example for your children; do they get to hit you when you do wrong? To hit and also prohibit hitting sends mixed messages. Often children who are spanked or otherwise abused focus physical aggression on smaller children and animals the same way they are by their parents. If we want our children to make good decisions and be compassionate toward others we have to model it, and that includes being forgiving and offering solutions when they make a mistake or are defiant.
4. Misbehavior is an effect, not a cause. Defiance often is the sign of a bigger issue -- instead of spanking, try to find out what is triggering the misbehavior. It may be as simple as wanting your love and attention -- now is that worth hitting over? It certainly isn't going to halt the behavior because the need still isn't being met. There are better ways to teach right from wrong, patience and tolerance. Actions are visual emotions -- if she is behaving negatively, she probably needs me so I need to assess what cues I'm missing to make her behave this way.
5. Spanking breaks trust. As an attachment parent, I constantly and consistently aim to instill in my daughter that she is a person. No matter how small, she has a right to an opinion and she will be treated with the love, trust and respect of any other being in our household. As such, I would not condone hitting her any more than I would my dog, cat or husband. It's devaluing and implies a structural superiority that ultimately lowers a child's self esteem and can cause insecurities throughout childhood.
6. Fear is not respect. Children should behave because they respect their parents and their authority, not because they fear punishment. If the child is too young to understand the correlation between respect and good behavior, the child is too young to be spanked anyway.
7. Spanking doesn't work. Children should have boundaries; and they will test them. How you react will determine their decision to do it again. Spanking, while potentially a short term fix because the child fears the repercussions of recreating the act, doesn't address the actual concern. If you spank your child for running toward the street, s/he learns mama/dada might hit me if I do that -- so then what happens when you aren't around? If you educate them on why it's dangerous and address the issue rationally, you will have taught them a lesson that will continue to benefit them their whole lives. Same goes for drinking, smoking and sex with teens: if they only fear the parental punishment, the likelihood of experimenting is increased; however, if you have taught them that their actions are directly affecting themselves, not you, they are less likely to intentionally abuse their own bodies.
8. I love her too much. Even on an off day, I count my blessings. Tragedies happen to children every day, and I don't want to have any regrets if something were to happen to my baby. I don't like to see her sad or in pain. I would never allow anyone else to inflict pain on my child and, by extension, I could never allow myself to do it either. Children are curious, children are rambunctious, children make mistakes -- don't we all? It's how they learn, and how we react to them -- how we read their signs and embrace their adventurous side -- will ultimately shape who they become. I know who I want my child to be. Do you?
If you find yourself struggling to react appropriately in a calm manner to your child's behavior, consider seeking anger management help through the Iowa Anger Management Directory.Alternatively, a family councilor may be able to help get to the root of behavior issues. There is no shame in asking for help, and doing so may result in a happier, more in tune family that everyone will be thankful for.
Thursday, March 11
Say Hello to Davenport's New Resident Examiner
I've been on a mission to take on some freelance work to get back to what I love about writing. It seems the less writing I do, the grouchier I become -- writing is my outlet and without it I tend to retain emotion. It doesn't seem to matter what I write about, its just the simple act of doing it that provides a tension outlet for me, kind of like yoga.
My goals for this job are to get a jump start on building content for my portfolio, honing my writing skills and hopefully getting my name out there -- oh and did I mention it pays? Not much, rest assured I will not be jumping ship on my day job anytime soon, but being paid to write feels so much more meaningful and professional than blogging for free. It is important for you, all of my loyal readers, to note that it is a sliding pay scale based on the number of articles I submit and the feedback they receive (i.e. leave comments), how many followers I have, and the number of unique page views my articles receive so visit often!
Without further ado, I give you the Davenport Attachment Parenting Examiner.
My goals for this job are to get a jump start on building content for my portfolio, honing my writing skills and hopefully getting my name out there -- oh and did I mention it pays? Not much, rest assured I will not be jumping ship on my day job anytime soon, but being paid to write feels so much more meaningful and professional than blogging for free. It is important for you, all of my loyal readers, to note that it is a sliding pay scale based on the number of articles I submit and the feedback they receive (i.e. leave comments), how many followers I have, and the number of unique page views my articles receive so visit often!
Without further ado, I give you the Davenport Attachment Parenting Examiner.
Friday, February 19
I Said Something Today
that I think sums up my parenting philosophy perfectly.
You see my baby sister -- who is not technically a baby anymore; in fact, she's an adult -- is writing a paper about me. She asked a question having to do with the influences of my parenting style, to which I responded that I sometimes wonder to myself, if I only had a short amount of time left with N, how would I parent her differently? My answer is always "I wouldn't", and that's how I know I'm doing it right.
Of course I have had moments where I wish I would have handled the situation differently, but the basic principles I put my faith of child rearing into I would not change. Yes, this is basically just me bragging about how well versed I can be...sometimes. :)
Happy Friday!
You see my baby sister -- who is not technically a baby anymore; in fact, she's an adult -- is writing a paper about me. She asked a question having to do with the influences of my parenting style, to which I responded that I sometimes wonder to myself, if I only had a short amount of time left with N, how would I parent her differently? My answer is always "I wouldn't", and that's how I know I'm doing it right.
Of course I have had moments where I wish I would have handled the situation differently, but the basic principles I put my faith of child rearing into I would not change. Yes, this is basically just me bragging about how well versed I can be...sometimes. :)
Happy Friday!
Monday, January 25
Bittersweet Homecoming
We survived. A whole week apart, and I think we faired pretty well. I kept busy enough to not dwell too much on what I was missing and Bear enjoyed her time with Daddy.Since school cancelled on Wednesday due to weather, they got 3 full days at home together and, from what I hear, they had lots of fun. I could tell when I got home that they seemed more connected. I was surprised how easily N just let things go back to normal -- I had envisioned her being very clingy and perhaps regress a little in her confidence of me always returning, but after the initial excitement of seeing me it was just as if I had never left.
Well, mostly. I think my trip may have been the final straw for our nursing journey. I chose not to bring my pump on my trip (which was a terrible idea BTW -- boy was I in pain!) mostly because I thought it would be a hassle but also because thought I had reached a point where I would be OK with weaning if N started showing signs of being ready. Part of me wanted to make it to age 2, but physically I had become really burnt out and I was constantly reminding myself that we should only continue if both of us were still happy with the arrangment.
That's what I thought. But now that I've returned and she has only asked to nurse a couple of times, and both for very short periods, I'm feeling immense guilt over it. I feel like I pushed her into it instead of waiting until she was ready, and I'm doubting that I was really as ready as I thought. At least I didn't want it to end like this -- I always thought we'd talk about it first and plan a final goodbye and ultimately agree on the decision together. Of course I know 16 months is a long time and that if she truely is weaning it doesn't diminish the huge accomplisment we made, but it doesn't keep me from mourning the end of this part of our relationship.
I'm truely torn between hoping she'll still change her mind and appreciating that this was such an easy transition for her; however, despite my own hesitations I'm going to let her make this decision for us. If it is the end, we had a great run and I can only hope that the bond we created will continue to grow. In the meantime, I'm going to soak up the hugs and smother her with kisses, and try to make up for some lost time. Don't be surpirsed if I don't post much this week -- I'll get back to blogging as usual in a week or so.
Wednesday, November 18
Word-ful Wednesday
My yoga instructor read this poem to my prenatal yoga class while I was pregnant with Nora. I loved it. I still love it. I even quoted the poem on a page of Nora's baby book.
It is inspiring, and at the same time, makes me reflect on my own birth experience and I feel defeated for not being able to have the type of birth I dreamt of. My birth was not empowering, in fact quite opposite. Words that come to mind for me are: Unnecessary. Premature. Belittling. Helpless. Abrupt...
In the past two years, I have grown from a girl who thought birth and anything related to it was gross to a woman who feels passionate about women's rights in birthing and the over-medicalized process it has become. Women shouldn't have to grieve their birth experiences; but I did - I am. It makes me angry every time I think about it. I want to help other women have the birth they long for because the guilt, sorrow, and and disappointment doesn't go away just because the baby was healthy. This poem is a strong representation of the empowerment that was once (and should still be!) embraced by mothers, and I couldn't have said it better myself.
To My Daughters
I’ll tell you about power:
We are born with the potential for every daughter we will ever have
embedded like pearls in the dark flesh or our ovaries.
You were already there, in me,
While I was yet curled within my mother, as she was, inside my great-grandmother;
each mother birthing her grandchildren
through her pelvis,
ivory cradles protecting secret worlds
within our own seas,
worlds of fierce hearts and minds beyond knowing.
Is there a greater power than holding the entire
universe in your belly?
All of Creation? What about our own galaxies pouring forth?
The summoning of all that is love
And alive into our very breasts, our marrow,
Our coursing blood, and luminous milky way
So bright it blinds, with all the power and force of life,
heaven meeting earth, giving to those worlds we hold,
That we see in the irises of our daughters’ eyes
It is inspiring, and at the same time, makes me reflect on my own birth experience and I feel defeated for not being able to have the type of birth I dreamt of. My birth was not empowering, in fact quite opposite. Words that come to mind for me are: Unnecessary. Premature. Belittling. Helpless. Abrupt...
In the past two years, I have grown from a girl who thought birth and anything related to it was gross to a woman who feels passionate about women's rights in birthing and the over-medicalized process it has become. Women shouldn't have to grieve their birth experiences; but I did - I am. It makes me angry every time I think about it. I want to help other women have the birth they long for because the guilt, sorrow, and and disappointment doesn't go away just because the baby was healthy. This poem is a strong representation of the empowerment that was once (and should still be!) embraced by mothers, and I couldn't have said it better myself.
To My Daughters
I’ll tell you about power:
We are born with the potential for every daughter we will ever have
embedded like pearls in the dark flesh or our ovaries.
You were already there, in me,
While I was yet curled within my mother, as she was, inside my great-grandmother;
each mother birthing her grandchildren
through her pelvis,
ivory cradles protecting secret worlds
within our own seas,
worlds of fierce hearts and minds beyond knowing.
Is there a greater power than holding the entire
universe in your belly?
All of Creation? What about our own galaxies pouring forth?
The summoning of all that is love
And alive into our very breasts, our marrow,
Our coursing blood, and luminous milky way
So bright it blinds, with all the power and force of life,
heaven meeting earth, giving to those worlds we hold,
That we see in the irises of our daughters’ eyes
Monday, September 28
Elimination Communication
elimination communication (n.) -a practice in which a caregiver uses timing, signals, cues, and intuition to address an infant's need to eliminate waste. EC emphasizes communication between the caregiver and child, helping them both become more attuned to the child's innate rhythms and control of elimination.
Sounds crazy I know. I thought so too when I first heard about it, but after hearing encouragement and success stories from other AP mamas I thought "what can it hurt to try?" So we did.
Typically, EC families start at a very young age, some from birth. Starting at a year, like we are, is considered late, which is obviously very different from typical potty training methods that indicate 2 to 3 years is ideal. The idea behind EC is that babies are born with instinctual awareness of their bodily functions and if the parents encourage use of the potty from an early age, not only are they capable of learning to use it and become diaper free very young, it also prevents having to 'train' them twice: once to use a diaper and a second time to use a potty.
Now I don't know if I buy into all that, but I started my investigation into the method with a book called The Diaper Free Baby and the method was easy enough. You put baby on the potty during times she will likely potty (aka pottytunities) and if/when she goes you make a "sssssss" sound, followed by lots of praise. For poos you can use the same sound or use a different noise of choice. The idea is that once the noise association is made with going potty you will be able to cue baby to go, ie. when I put her on the potty I say "ssss" and she knows that means it's time to go. At the same time she will learn to say "ssss" when she feels the need to go. Even though she is not able to hold it for extended periods of time, she is capable of gaining awareness of the elimination sensation.
For those of you still doubting me, IT'S WORKING! We had our first catch last Saturday. I put her on the potty when we woke up and she went. We've had several more catches since, and this morning when Daddy put her on the potty, she even made the "ssss" sound with him while she went.
We've been trying to let her spend more time sans diaper, especially right after she goes in the potty, and admittedly we have had one miss, but the great thing about EC is that you can do it full time, part time or just every once in a while. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, and it certainly isn't like I originally pictured with a naked baby and a frantic mommy constantly running back and forth to the bathroom because she *thought* baby might have to pee.
It is a little time consuming, but we take advantage of the time on the potty to play with toys and read books -- its no different than if we had been sitting in the living room playing. She is never forced to sit on the potty; when the toys are no longer intriguing and she wants down, we get down whether she went or not.
Right now we are very part-time ECers. We usually have potty time first thing in the morning and before bath or bed. Occasionally during the day when Charlie or I are home she will sit on the potty after naps or after we have been wearing her for a while. We just have one Nora-sized seat on the upstairs potty right now, but Nana Buskirk indicated that's what she was planning to get Nora for her birthday, so then we'll have one for the downstairs bathroom too. Call me nutty, but as she gets better at signing she has to go, I'd also like to have one to keep in the trunk of the car so she always has a place to go when we're on the road. It is my understanding that after they make a distinct connection with using the potty, that often becomes the preference and many times early-pottied toddlers will refuse to go in a diaper -- I'd prefer to have our own clean potty for her to use than to have to stick her on a potentially yucky, too big public one. We'll think through that further as it gets closer.
The most important thing to keep in mind about EC is that it is more important to focus on the communication than it is to focus on the elimination. It is very much in line with attachment parenting in that the success is in the journey, not the result -- it is about learning to communicate with a pre-verbal baby, rather than being the first to have a potty-using tot. I look forward to keeping you updated on our EC journey, and hopefully, creating some other believers along the way.
Resources:
More about EC philosophy
75 Benefits of EC
Getting started
Find a local EC group
Recommended reading
Sounds crazy I know. I thought so too when I first heard about it, but after hearing encouragement and success stories from other AP mamas I thought "what can it hurt to try?" So we did.
Typically, EC families start at a very young age, some from birth. Starting at a year, like we are, is considered late, which is obviously very different from typical potty training methods that indicate 2 to 3 years is ideal. The idea behind EC is that babies are born with instinctual awareness of their bodily functions and if the parents encourage use of the potty from an early age, not only are they capable of learning to use it and become diaper free very young, it also prevents having to 'train' them twice: once to use a diaper and a second time to use a potty.
Now I don't know if I buy into all that, but I started my investigation into the method with a book called The Diaper Free Baby and the method was easy enough. You put baby on the potty during times she will likely potty (aka pottytunities) and if/when she goes you make a "sssssss" sound, followed by lots of praise. For poos you can use the same sound or use a different noise of choice. The idea is that once the noise association is made with going potty you will be able to cue baby to go, ie. when I put her on the potty I say "ssss" and she knows that means it's time to go. At the same time she will learn to say "ssss" when she feels the need to go. Even though she is not able to hold it for extended periods of time, she is capable of gaining awareness of the elimination sensation.
For those of you still doubting me, IT'S WORKING! We had our first catch last Saturday. I put her on the potty when we woke up and she went. We've had several more catches since, and this morning when Daddy put her on the potty, she even made the "ssss" sound with him while she went.
We've been trying to let her spend more time sans diaper, especially right after she goes in the potty, and admittedly we have had one miss, but the great thing about EC is that you can do it full time, part time or just every once in a while. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, and it certainly isn't like I originally pictured with a naked baby and a frantic mommy constantly running back and forth to the bathroom because she *thought* baby might have to pee.
It is a little time consuming, but we take advantage of the time on the potty to play with toys and read books -- its no different than if we had been sitting in the living room playing. She is never forced to sit on the potty; when the toys are no longer intriguing and she wants down, we get down whether she went or not.
Right now we are very part-time ECers. We usually have potty time first thing in the morning and before bath or bed. Occasionally during the day when Charlie or I are home she will sit on the potty after naps or after we have been wearing her for a while. We just have one Nora-sized seat on the upstairs potty right now, but Nana Buskirk indicated that's what she was planning to get Nora for her birthday, so then we'll have one for the downstairs bathroom too. Call me nutty, but as she gets better at signing she has to go, I'd also like to have one to keep in the trunk of the car so she always has a place to go when we're on the road. It is my understanding that after they make a distinct connection with using the potty, that often becomes the preference and many times early-pottied toddlers will refuse to go in a diaper -- I'd prefer to have our own clean potty for her to use than to have to stick her on a potentially yucky, too big public one. We'll think through that further as it gets closer.
The most important thing to keep in mind about EC is that it is more important to focus on the communication than it is to focus on the elimination. It is very much in line with attachment parenting in that the success is in the journey, not the result -- it is about learning to communicate with a pre-verbal baby, rather than being the first to have a potty-using tot. I look forward to keeping you updated on our EC journey, and hopefully, creating some other believers along the way.
Resources:
More about EC philosophy
75 Benefits of EC
Getting started
Find a local EC group
Recommended reading
Sunday, September 27
The Celebration Continues
Hat Nora came home in from day care on her birthday.
Sorry I've been a slacker lately with the blog updates and photo uploads. It has become apparent that I officially have a toddler... I find that at fairly regular 2 minute intervals I am dragging her away from something she shouldn't be playing with and redirecting her to her toys. I am ramping up the baby-proofing today. I just bought a couple of new baby gates and have been installing latches on the cabinets. She's a smart girl though, I wouldn't be surprised if she quickly figures them out. I tried tying twine on the cabinets I really didn't want her in yesterday and she's already deciphered how to untie a bow...
She also doesn't like to be held as much. Normally, I can knock out my biweekly grocery shopping all in one day -- Aldi, Sam's, then Wal-Mart and occasionally a stop at Hy-Vee (I'm a bargain hunter, what can I say?) -- and Nora is content moving between being carried and riding in the cart. Yesterday, not so much. She just wanted to run and play and had no interest in anything I had to say. We ended up having to stop home to let her burn off steam before finishing our shopping.
I need to get a new video up because she walks everywhere now. We are still breastfeeding but I have quit pumping at work, so any bottles she gets while I'm away are 1/2 breastmilk from our freezer stash and 1/2 whole milk. She seems to be taking the transition really well. Once the freezer stash runs out, she will have one bottle of all whole milk per day. I still haven't set a deadline on weaning. At this point we're both still comfortable with it and it sure is easier, especially at night since we're still co-sleeping.
I did, however, recently convert Nora's crib to a toddler bed. I figure she can get down from our bed fine so maybe the conversion will allow us to start transitioning her to her room for naps and, eventually, nighttime. Good thing we got a convertible crib because she never used it as a crib...at least we're still going to get some use out of it! Right now she mostly enjoys standing on her bed and climbing up and down and up and down and up...
We had her 1 year appointment last Thursday. She was 20lbs 14oz and 28 inches long -- 50th percentile for weight and 25th for height. Doctor said she looked great. Her iron is a little low (which admittedly is probably because my iron is low) so she recommended we try to increase her iron intake through foods like chicken and even adding baby cereal to regular meals.
Mimi came up to babysit while Mama had to go out of town for work. While she was here, she taught Nora to talk on the phone. And yesterday I put Mimi on speaker phone so she could talk to Nora and Nora said "hi" to her. I think it made Mimi's day.
We also got to pick up a birthday present from Nana Shropshire yesterday. She's too cute -- she will walk from the couch all the way to her table, pull out the chair and sit down. Gah where does the time go?!?
And the final update to mark in the list of parenting firsts: I got to call poison control for the first time today. I was changing Nora's diaper and she was playing with a bottle of baby shampoo. Concentrating on not getting any potato-soup-scented-poo on me, I look up to see Nora gulping shampoo from the lidless bottle. It wasn't that the lid just popped open, she actually got it off completely. Now I know it's baby shampoo and they probably think of these things, but I wouldn't have been able to calm down if I hadn't called. So I did and the lady basically said she may have an upset tummy but other than that she will be fine and that there was no need to bring her in. What she failed to mention is that Nora would be burping and spitting up bubbles all day...and laughing about it. What a day -- I'm scared to see what the next diaper I change looks like!
Tuesday, August 18
Montessori, anyone?
With moving comes a mountain of other time consuming, necessary changes -- finding new doctors and dentists, forwarding mail, updating billing address for everything, new checkbook, new drivers license, finding a new job, and the list goes on -- all daunting as an adult, but does not even begin to compare to having to move a child.
I spent eight months of pregnancy researching pediatricians and day cares, hoping to find what I thought would be a perfect fit for my child. And they have been, but now we have to start over. We loved Kindercare in the beginning, but now I would say we just like it. We loved that it had a curriculum, that there would always be an adult around, and that Nora would be around kids her age instead of the wider range found in in-home day care. As she grows, however, we're finding that they are more reluctant to deviate from the "schedule", and that everything must go as planned. I don't think they appreciate non-mainstream parents.
Anyway, somewhere along my search for the new perfect place I discovered Montessori. For those of you as clueless as I was, Montessori is an alternative education method characterized by child-led learning. The classrooms don't have an agenda and the children aren't expected to all develop at the same pace and take interest in the same topics. Montessori encourages children to think independently and puts a strong emphasis on personal responsibility. One of their arching principles is the belief that hands are an extension of the mind -- meaning the method generally takes a very hands on approach.
In a lot of ways, Montessori supports our parenting philosophy by following the childs cues, letting them develop at their own pace, and not forcing a schedule or agenda. Children stay in the same classroom for a number of years allowing them to form a strong relationship with thier teachers, which I also think is great.
Traditionally, Montessori was geared toward birth to 6-year-olds. The Quad Cities Montessori School accepts children as young as 2 and goes through age 12. I'm not 100% on this yet, but I love the concept and look forward to touring the school next time we're in town. My thought is if we love it, we can plan for Nora to attend once she turns 2 until she reaches school age, at which point we can re-evaluate whether we would like her to continue schooling at Montessori or transition to a more traditional school setting. It really seems like the perfect way to explore all the school has to offer -- trying the shoe to be sure it fits.
Now on to pediatricians...any recommendations? :)
I spent eight months of pregnancy researching pediatricians and day cares, hoping to find what I thought would be a perfect fit for my child. And they have been, but now we have to start over. We loved Kindercare in the beginning, but now I would say we just like it. We loved that it had a curriculum, that there would always be an adult around, and that Nora would be around kids her age instead of the wider range found in in-home day care. As she grows, however, we're finding that they are more reluctant to deviate from the "schedule", and that everything must go as planned. I don't think they appreciate non-mainstream parents.
Anyway, somewhere along my search for the new perfect place I discovered Montessori. For those of you as clueless as I was, Montessori is an alternative education method characterized by child-led learning. The classrooms don't have an agenda and the children aren't expected to all develop at the same pace and take interest in the same topics. Montessori encourages children to think independently and puts a strong emphasis on personal responsibility. One of their arching principles is the belief that hands are an extension of the mind -- meaning the method generally takes a very hands on approach.
In a lot of ways, Montessori supports our parenting philosophy by following the childs cues, letting them develop at their own pace, and not forcing a schedule or agenda. Children stay in the same classroom for a number of years allowing them to form a strong relationship with thier teachers, which I also think is great.
Traditionally, Montessori was geared toward birth to 6-year-olds. The Quad Cities Montessori School accepts children as young as 2 and goes through age 12. I'm not 100% on this yet, but I love the concept and look forward to touring the school next time we're in town. My thought is if we love it, we can plan for Nora to attend once she turns 2 until she reaches school age, at which point we can re-evaluate whether we would like her to continue schooling at Montessori or transition to a more traditional school setting. It really seems like the perfect way to explore all the school has to offer -- trying the shoe to be sure it fits.
Now on to pediatricians...any recommendations? :)
Friday, August 7
My Favorite Piece of Parenting Advice
In a card I received for my baby shower, my grandma wrote, "Listen closely to all the parenting advice you receive, then do it your way."
I don't regret a single parenting choice I have made. I'm a researcher and I am definitely one to thoroughly think through each and every option until I find what I consider to be a perfect fit for me and my family.
Yes, we practice positive discipline. Yes, Nora is still sleeping in our bed. No, she is not ever left to "cry it out", and we continually work to build mutual trust and respect. She is held or worn all of -- OK most of -- the time, we rock her to sleep every night, she is fed on demand and not on a schedule, and we are using an alternate vaccination schedule that ::gasp:: excludes some of the CDC recommended vaccines. I don't worry about my child being clingy, dependent or spoiled, nor do I fear she will sleep in my bed until she's 7. She plays in the dirt, she occasionally eats leaves, and she is allowed to make messes if she pleases.
Why does there have to be a "best way" or a "right way"? I suppose bottom line is I am open minded enough to be able to see that there is more than one way to raise a child and know that what works for my family may not work for yours. Every time I am given the side eye or hear a condescending comment regarding a choice I have made, I can't help but wonder why people so readily criticize something they know nothing about just because its different than how they would have done it. Even if you've tried it and it didn't work for you, is it really that hard to see that not only is every family different, but every baby is different? Each should be raised according to what makes them thrive -- not down the mainstream channel of cookie-cutter tried and true methods.
I do not think I'm better than anyone. I do not look down upon those who spank or sleep train. I don't even offer parenting advice to other mothers unless I'm asked. All I know is that I have the most perfect, happy, wonderful, cuddly baby who makes me appreciate each and every day as a gift, so I must be doing something right.
When I do begin to doubt myself, I remember what my grandma said.
I don't regret a single parenting choice I have made. I'm a researcher and I am definitely one to thoroughly think through each and every option until I find what I consider to be a perfect fit for me and my family.
Yes, we practice positive discipline. Yes, Nora is still sleeping in our bed. No, she is not ever left to "cry it out", and we continually work to build mutual trust and respect. She is held or worn all of -- OK most of -- the time, we rock her to sleep every night, she is fed on demand and not on a schedule, and we are using an alternate vaccination schedule that ::gasp:: excludes some of the CDC recommended vaccines. I don't worry about my child being clingy, dependent or spoiled, nor do I fear she will sleep in my bed until she's 7. She plays in the dirt, she occasionally eats leaves, and she is allowed to make messes if she pleases.
Why does there have to be a "best way" or a "right way"? I suppose bottom line is I am open minded enough to be able to see that there is more than one way to raise a child and know that what works for my family may not work for yours. Every time I am given the side eye or hear a condescending comment regarding a choice I have made, I can't help but wonder why people so readily criticize something they know nothing about just because its different than how they would have done it. Even if you've tried it and it didn't work for you, is it really that hard to see that not only is every family different, but every baby is different? Each should be raised according to what makes them thrive -- not down the mainstream channel of cookie-cutter tried and true methods.
I do not think I'm better than anyone. I do not look down upon those who spank or sleep train. I don't even offer parenting advice to other mothers unless I'm asked. All I know is that I have the most perfect, happy, wonderful, cuddly baby who makes me appreciate each and every day as a gift, so I must be doing something right.
When I do begin to doubt myself, I remember what my grandma said.
Thursday, July 16
Is It Possible? 10 Months Already?!?
Here we are, two months from a first birthday!
She's crawling, she's pulling herself up, she walks well while holding on to fingers, she bables (and screams - happy screams of course) a lot, she says Dada all.the.time., she says Mama when she's anrgy, she loves being chased, she thinks tickling is funny 1/2 the time, she eats ev-ry-thing in sight (food or not), she claps at things she likes and breathes quickly in and out of her nose in protest at things she doesn't, she likes to read books (short ones), she loves music (Carrie Underwood and Kelli Pickler are her favs), and her favorite toys are ones that play tunes or make loud noises when banged together. It is quite possible her favorite pasttime is turning the knobs on Dada's reciever, which has resulted in programming the max volume it can reach to significantly lower than its actual capability.
Lots of firsts this month! First visit to the zoo, first visit to the beach, first time meeting cousin Milo, first teeth appeard (4 are now poking through, but none are fully in), first time on a boat, first wedding...I'm sure there are more, but I've been terrible at documenting this month! I'll edit if I think of more.
We are proudly still breastfeeding and plan to continue, though she is up to two solids meals a day now and we'll probably increase to three soon.
We are also still co-sleeping, though it's getting a little violent with the thrashing of the legs and fingernails in my eyes at 2 a.m. (I have a post in mind on this coming soon, but haven't had time to get down all my thoughts).
Oddly, Nora has for the most part quit doing baby signs completely. She was getting very good at using signs for milk, come here, and all done, but she has abruptly stopped this month, mostly resorting back to screaming with no other indication as to what she wants, just that she (obviously) wants something. It's a little frustrating, but as the saying goes "this too will pass".
Here are a few pics from the month:
First trip (of many I'm sure ) to Olive Garden
Dancing at Shannon and Slim's wedding
On the Celebration Belle for lunch with Wood side of the family
Dare devils
Cousins!
Sharing popcorn with Mama for the first time (puffy part only of course)
...tantruming when Mama didn't have anymore popcorn
"Did you see that guy cut me off?"
She's crawling, she's pulling herself up, she walks well while holding on to fingers, she bables (and screams - happy screams of course) a lot, she says Dada all.the.time., she says Mama when she's anrgy, she loves being chased, she thinks tickling is funny 1/2 the time, she eats ev-ry-thing in sight (food or not), she claps at things she likes and breathes quickly in and out of her nose in protest at things she doesn't, she likes to read books (short ones), she loves music (Carrie Underwood and Kelli Pickler are her favs), and her favorite toys are ones that play tunes or make loud noises when banged together. It is quite possible her favorite pasttime is turning the knobs on Dada's reciever, which has resulted in programming the max volume it can reach to significantly lower than its actual capability.
Lots of firsts this month! First visit to the zoo, first visit to the beach, first time meeting cousin Milo, first teeth appeard (4 are now poking through, but none are fully in), first time on a boat, first wedding...I'm sure there are more, but I've been terrible at documenting this month! I'll edit if I think of more.
We are proudly still breastfeeding and plan to continue, though she is up to two solids meals a day now and we'll probably increase to three soon.
We are also still co-sleeping, though it's getting a little violent with the thrashing of the legs and fingernails in my eyes at 2 a.m. (I have a post in mind on this coming soon, but haven't had time to get down all my thoughts).
Oddly, Nora has for the most part quit doing baby signs completely. She was getting very good at using signs for milk, come here, and all done, but she has abruptly stopped this month, mostly resorting back to screaming with no other indication as to what she wants, just that she (obviously) wants something. It's a little frustrating, but as the saying goes "this too will pass".
Here are a few pics from the month:
First trip (of many I'm sure ) to Olive Garden
Dancing at Shannon and Slim's wedding
On the Celebration Belle for lunch with Wood side of the family
Dare devils
Cousins!
Sharing popcorn with Mama for the first time (puffy part only of course)
...tantruming when Mama didn't have anymore popcorn
"Did you see that guy cut me off?"
Wednesday, July 8
Grow Nora, Grow
My little oinker's excessive food consumption has finally caught up with her. Since birth she has averaged in the 10th percentile for weight and 25th for height; at her 9 month check up on Monday she measured in the 50th percentile for both! This does not even take into account her adjusted age -- meaning she is the average size of a full-term baby at her same age! Not to mention that at 18lbs 6oz she is well on her way to quadrupling her weight in the first year.
In other news, we went to the ICubs game on July 2 and stayed to watch the fireworks afterwards. I was packed and ready to run in case Nora wasn't fond of the noise, but surprisingly, she smiled and clapped through the whole thing! She l.o.v.e.d. it!
We are still diligently working on the house getting it ready for our open house next weekend. Thus, I learned how to put Nora in the moby on my back. What a fabulous invention! This single 5-yard piece of cloth has to be the greatest baby gadget ever invented, and from here on out every mom-to-be I know will be getting one of these as a gift from me.
And, thanks to Uncle Devon, we (meaning Charlie) were able to get the outside of the house looking presentable these past couple days -- its coming along, but boy is everything harder with a 10-month-old at your side...especially a teething one.
On a side note, Charlie and I celebrated our second wedding anniversary yesterday! It seems impossible that it has already been that long.
Again, many apologies for the few and far between posts lately. It will probably continue to be that way until we get the house projects all tied up, but I will do my best to keep you updated. Happy Wednesday!
In other news, we went to the ICubs game on July 2 and stayed to watch the fireworks afterwards. I was packed and ready to run in case Nora wasn't fond of the noise, but surprisingly, she smiled and clapped through the whole thing! She l.o.v.e.d. it!
We are still diligently working on the house getting it ready for our open house next weekend. Thus, I learned how to put Nora in the moby on my back. What a fabulous invention! This single 5-yard piece of cloth has to be the greatest baby gadget ever invented, and from here on out every mom-to-be I know will be getting one of these as a gift from me.
And, thanks to Uncle Devon, we (meaning Charlie) were able to get the outside of the house looking presentable these past couple days -- its coming along, but boy is everything harder with a 10-month-old at your side...especially a teething one.
On a side note, Charlie and I celebrated our second wedding anniversary yesterday! It seems impossible that it has already been that long.
Again, many apologies for the few and far between posts lately. It will probably continue to be that way until we get the house projects all tied up, but I will do my best to keep you updated. Happy Wednesday!
Thursday, March 26
I Am an Attachment Parent
Brace yourself, this is a long one!
Ever heard that holding your baby too much can spoil her? The American Pediatrics Association, among many other parenting and pediatric groups, undisputedly agree babies younger than 6 months cannot be spoiled, and should in fact be picked up and tended to every time they cry. So every time your mom/grandma/friend tells you to let him cry, its good for him, follow your instinct and offer your little one some snuggles.
Attachment parenting takes things a step further. This organization promotes strong and healthy emotional bonding between parents and children through practice of 8 attachment principles. APers encourage parents to do what feels right for their family and to acknowledge your child's needs as you would an adults. No this does not mean you should continue to sprint to the rescue every time a peep is uttered once baby passes the 6 month mark, but it does mean that after much research and trial and error, leaving baby to cry it out or attempting to teach independence and self soothing by not responding to cues, ultimately, is outdated advice and not only doesn't work, its not healthy for development.
The more I read, the more I'm convinced this is the parenting style I most closely associate with, and the more I read, the more I feel AP encourages the values I wish to possess as a mom. I'm not ashamed to say I co-sleep, that I choose to wear my baby instead of plunk her in a swing when I have a full day of housework to do, or that 6 months and 2 weeks after her birth I still pick her up whenever she needs me, even if its not a convenient time or my hands were tied in something else. In fact, I think AP takes more patience, more time, and more commitment to making your schedule meet baby's than making baby's schedule meet yours, and that's hard -- but for me, its right.
Today, however, I'm not going to cover what attachment parenting is. Instead, I'd like to do a little myth debunking by telling you what AP is not. Below is an article derived from AskDrSears.com.
Attachment parenting is not a new style of parenting. AP is one of the oldest ways of caring for babies. In fact, it's the way that parents for centuries have taken care of babies, until childcare advisers came on the scene and led parents to follow books instead of their babies. The baby B's of AP would come naturally to you as they have other cultures who have centuries more child-rearing experience and tradition than all of us have.
Attachment parenting is not indulgent parenting. You may hear or worry that being nurturing and responsive to your baby's needs might spoil your baby and set you up for being manipulated manipulated by your baby. This is why we stress that AP is responding appropriately to your baby's needs, which means knowing when to say "yes" and when to say "no." Sometimes in their zeal to give children everything they need, it's easy for parents to give their children everything they want.
Attachment parenting is about balance – not being indulgent or permissive, yet being attentive. As you and your baby grow together, you will develop the right balance between attentive, but not indulgent. In fact, being possessive, or a "smother mother" (or father) is unfair to the child, fosters an inappropriate dependency on the parent, and hinders your child from becoming normally independent.
As your baby grows, you become more expert in reading her cries, so you can gradually delay your response. Because you and your baby are so connected, your baby can read your body language and see that you're not anxious, so you naturally give your baby the message, "No problem, baby, you can handle this." In this way, you're being a facilitator , and because of your close attachment you're actually better able to help your baby delay gratification and ease into independence.
Attachment mothering is not martyr mothering. Don't think that AP means baby pulls mommy's string and she jumps. Because of the mutual sensitivity that develops between attached parents and their attached children, parents' response time can gradually lengthen as mother enables the older baby to discover that he does not need instant gratification. Yes, you give a lot of yourself in those early months, but you get back a lot more in return. AP is the best investment you'll ever make -- in your child, and yourselves.
"Won't a mother feel tied down by constant baby-tending?"
Mothers do need baby breaks. This is why shared parenting by the father and other trusted caregivers is important. But with AP, instead of feeling tied down, mothers feel tied together with their babies. Remember, too, that AP, by mellowing a child's behavior, makes it easier to go places with your child. You don't have to feel tied down to your house or apartment and a lifestyle that includes only babies.
Attachment parenting is not hard. AP may sound like one big give-a-thon. Initially, there is a lot of giving. Babies are takers, and parents are givers. One of the payoffs you will soon experience of AP is one we call mutual giving – the more you give to your baby, the more baby gives back to you. This is how you grow to enjoy your child and feel more competent as a parent.
AP may sound difficult, but in the long run it's actually the easiest parenting style. What is "hard" about parenting is the feeling "I just don't know what my baby wants" or "I just can't seem to get through to her." If you feel you really know your baby and have a handle on the relationship, parenting is easier and more relaxed. There is great comfort in feeling connected to your baby. AP is the best way we know to get connected. True, this style of parenting takes a tremendous amount of patience and stamina, but it's worth it. AP early on makes later parenting easier, not only in infancy but in childhood and teenage years. The ability to read and respond to your baby, carries over into the ability to get behind the eyes of your growing child and see things from her point of view. When you truly know your child, parenting is easier at all ages.
AP is not rigid. On the contrary, it has options and is very flexible. Attachment mothers speak of a flow between themselves and their baby; a flow of thoughts and feelings that help a mother pull from her many options the right choice at the right time when confronted with the daily "what do I do now?" baby-care decisions. The connected pair mirror each other's feelings. The baby perceives himself by how the mother reflects his value. This insight is most noticeable in the mother's ability to get behind the eyes of her child and read her child's feelings during discipline decisions.
Attachment parenting is not spoiling a child. Our answer is an emphatic no. In fact, both experience and research have shown the opposite. Attachment fosters independence. AP implies responding appropriately to your baby; spoiling suggests responding inappropriately. The spoiling theory began in the early part of this century when parents turned over their intuitive childrearing to "experts"; unfortunately, the childcare thinkers at the time advocated restraint and detachment, along with scientifically produced artificial baby milk – "formula" for feeding babies. They felt that if you held your baby a lot, fed on cue, and responded to cries, you would spoil and create a clingy, dependent baby. There was no scientific basis to this spoiling theory, just unwarranted fears and opinions. We would like to put the spoiling theory on the shelf – to spoil forever.
Research has finally proven what mothers have long suspected: You cannot spoil a baby by attachment. Spoiling means leaving something alone, such as putting food on the shelf to spoil. The attachment style of parenting does not mean overindulgence or inappropriate dependency. The possessive parent, or "hover mother," is one who keeps an infant from doing what he needs to do because of her own insecure needs. This has a detrimental effect on both the infants and the parents. Attachment differs from prolonged dependency. Attachment enhances development; prolonged dependency will hinder development.
If you made it all the way through that, I'd love to hear your thoughts -- agree or disagree -- on this article. More information about AP can be found on the API website.
E-mail me alerts when thebaughchronicles updates!
Ever heard that holding your baby too much can spoil her? The American Pediatrics Association, among many other parenting and pediatric groups, undisputedly agree babies younger than 6 months cannot be spoiled, and should in fact be picked up and tended to every time they cry. So every time your mom/grandma/friend tells you to let him cry, its good for him, follow your instinct and offer your little one some snuggles.
Attachment parenting takes things a step further. This organization promotes strong and healthy emotional bonding between parents and children through practice of 8 attachment principles. APers encourage parents to do what feels right for their family and to acknowledge your child's needs as you would an adults. No this does not mean you should continue to sprint to the rescue every time a peep is uttered once baby passes the 6 month mark, but it does mean that after much research and trial and error, leaving baby to cry it out or attempting to teach independence and self soothing by not responding to cues, ultimately, is outdated advice and not only doesn't work, its not healthy for development.
The more I read, the more I'm convinced this is the parenting style I most closely associate with, and the more I read, the more I feel AP encourages the values I wish to possess as a mom. I'm not ashamed to say I co-sleep, that I choose to wear my baby instead of plunk her in a swing when I have a full day of housework to do, or that 6 months and 2 weeks after her birth I still pick her up whenever she needs me, even if its not a convenient time or my hands were tied in something else. In fact, I think AP takes more patience, more time, and more commitment to making your schedule meet baby's than making baby's schedule meet yours, and that's hard -- but for me, its right.
Today, however, I'm not going to cover what attachment parenting is. Instead, I'd like to do a little myth debunking by telling you what AP is not. Below is an article derived from AskDrSears.com.
Attachment parenting is not a new style of parenting. AP is one of the oldest ways of caring for babies. In fact, it's the way that parents for centuries have taken care of babies, until childcare advisers came on the scene and led parents to follow books instead of their babies. The baby B's of AP would come naturally to you as they have other cultures who have centuries more child-rearing experience and tradition than all of us have.
Attachment parenting is not indulgent parenting. You may hear or worry that being nurturing and responsive to your baby's needs might spoil your baby and set you up for being manipulated manipulated by your baby. This is why we stress that AP is responding appropriately to your baby's needs, which means knowing when to say "yes" and when to say "no." Sometimes in their zeal to give children everything they need, it's easy for parents to give their children everything they want.
Attachment parenting is about balance – not being indulgent or permissive, yet being attentive. As you and your baby grow together, you will develop the right balance between attentive, but not indulgent. In fact, being possessive, or a "smother mother" (or father) is unfair to the child, fosters an inappropriate dependency on the parent, and hinders your child from becoming normally independent.
As your baby grows, you become more expert in reading her cries, so you can gradually delay your response. Because you and your baby are so connected, your baby can read your body language and see that you're not anxious, so you naturally give your baby the message, "No problem, baby, you can handle this." In this way, you're being a facilitator , and because of your close attachment you're actually better able to help your baby delay gratification and ease into independence.
Attachment Tip:AP is not permissive parenting. APers become like gardeners: you can't control the color of the flower or the time of the year it blooms, but you can pick the weeds and prune the plant so that the flower blooms more beautifully. That's shaping. APers become master behavior-shapers.
"It's easier for me to say 'no' to my attachment- parented child when she wants a lot of stuff, because I know I have given her so much of myself."
Attachment mothering is not martyr mothering. Don't think that AP means baby pulls mommy's string and she jumps. Because of the mutual sensitivity that develops between attached parents and their attached children, parents' response time can gradually lengthen as mother enables the older baby to discover that he does not need instant gratification. Yes, you give a lot of yourself in those early months, but you get back a lot more in return. AP is the best investment you'll ever make -- in your child, and yourselves.
"Won't a mother feel tied down by constant baby-tending?"
Mothers do need baby breaks. This is why shared parenting by the father and other trusted caregivers is important. But with AP, instead of feeling tied down, mothers feel tied together with their babies. Remember, too, that AP, by mellowing a child's behavior, makes it easier to go places with your child. You don't have to feel tied down to your house or apartment and a lifestyle that includes only babies.
Attachment parenting is not hard. AP may sound like one big give-a-thon. Initially, there is a lot of giving. Babies are takers, and parents are givers. One of the payoffs you will soon experience of AP is one we call mutual giving – the more you give to your baby, the more baby gives back to you. This is how you grow to enjoy your child and feel more competent as a parent.
AP may sound difficult, but in the long run it's actually the easiest parenting style. What is "hard" about parenting is the feeling "I just don't know what my baby wants" or "I just can't seem to get through to her." If you feel you really know your baby and have a handle on the relationship, parenting is easier and more relaxed. There is great comfort in feeling connected to your baby. AP is the best way we know to get connected. True, this style of parenting takes a tremendous amount of patience and stamina, but it's worth it. AP early on makes later parenting easier, not only in infancy but in childhood and teenage years. The ability to read and respond to your baby, carries over into the ability to get behind the eyes of your growing child and see things from her point of view. When you truly know your child, parenting is easier at all ages.
AP is not rigid. On the contrary, it has options and is very flexible. Attachment mothers speak of a flow between themselves and their baby; a flow of thoughts and feelings that help a mother pull from her many options the right choice at the right time when confronted with the daily "what do I do now?" baby-care decisions. The connected pair mirror each other's feelings. The baby perceives himself by how the mother reflects his value. This insight is most noticeable in the mother's ability to get behind the eyes of her child and read her child's feelings during discipline decisions.
One day our two-year-old, Lauren, impulsively grabbed a carton of milk out of the refrigerator and spilled it on the floor. As Lauren was about to disintegrate, Martha mellowed out the situation and preserved the fragile feelings of a sensitive child and prevented the angry feelings of inconvenienced parents. When I asked how she managed to handle things so calmly, she said, "I asked myself if I were Lauren, how would I want my mother to respond?"
Attachment parenting is not spoiling a child. Our answer is an emphatic no. In fact, both experience and research have shown the opposite. Attachment fosters independence. AP implies responding appropriately to your baby; spoiling suggests responding inappropriately. The spoiling theory began in the early part of this century when parents turned over their intuitive childrearing to "experts"; unfortunately, the childcare thinkers at the time advocated restraint and detachment, along with scientifically produced artificial baby milk – "formula" for feeding babies. They felt that if you held your baby a lot, fed on cue, and responded to cries, you would spoil and create a clingy, dependent baby. There was no scientific basis to this spoiling theory, just unwarranted fears and opinions. We would like to put the spoiling theory on the shelf – to spoil forever.
Research has finally proven what mothers have long suspected: You cannot spoil a baby by attachment. Spoiling means leaving something alone, such as putting food on the shelf to spoil. The attachment style of parenting does not mean overindulgence or inappropriate dependency. The possessive parent, or "hover mother," is one who keeps an infant from doing what he needs to do because of her own insecure needs. This has a detrimental effect on both the infants and the parents. Attachment differs from prolonged dependency. Attachment enhances development; prolonged dependency will hinder development.
If you made it all the way through that, I'd love to hear your thoughts -- agree or disagree -- on this article. More information about AP can be found on the API website.
E-mail me alerts when thebaughchronicles updates!
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